Scared but still fearless.
What I have been afraid to admit all along is that I am honestly scared, yes, no doubt this little girl all the way from Mandeville, Jamaica is BRAVE…I have the heart of a Lioness and I know that because I know my heart ❤️ (wish I could get some coconut water right now 😉). I left the only place I knew as home to move to a totally different country, wow, even just thinking about it gives me goosebumps but I did it anyways because I try my best to foresee the future.
Yes it would have been EASIER to be satisfied with a particular level but I chose the harder route…so, I made a move because I wanted older me to have something great, all my hard work and tears, lol only GOD knows how many times I go to bed bawling! Now I look back I can laugh but I also know there are many more teary eyed nights ahead and maybe that makes me a little scared.
I am very proud of how strong I have been with the fights I have fought, the endless mind battles of decisions, choices and I admire my discipline that made me press along like Paul (My high school Chem teacher told my class this almost every time we had Chem class, those words are stuck with me). I have evolved, I have become stronger,I have unlocked new intelligence, emotions and control of these emotions. Yet I still get scared of the next level of my life that I am about to unlock and I wanted to admit that and get it off my chest.
Blogging is very therapeutic for me and many times the only way I express my thoughts. Have I told anyone in my circle that I am scared?….NOPE. Will they read this? Probably not. And I am cool with that just showing logic that we all have our methods of letting things out. 💫🌱🤗
In all, I am going to do what I always do and what I must…walk in the faith of God knowing that what is mine will be mine and in whatever I do there has to be a purpose, an impact, spread of kindness, love, discipline, hope, understanding and patience.
I will keep going, I will keep trying to be better than I was yesterday, everyday. I have a thing where I say out loud “Tomorrow will be a better day” “Just a few more hours Kris” “You don’t need to look at your phone right now”
I have to remind myself of the reasons why it is important for me to keep focus and keep working my ass off. I am doing this not for 25 year old me to enjoy, hell nah, this is for Glory Thirties, Winning Forties, Flourish Fifties and so on, with each level it won’t get easier, I will still have to work fucking hard but will also be reaping the rewards of what younger me planted 🌱 and that’s the whole POINT!
So even if I am scared, I am also fearless and will greet fear at each level of my life because this ultimately is for my legacy! 🙏🏿
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Thanks For Reading
I appreciate you🙏🏿